If only if....

  • lovely_allie

    February 1st 2012, 12:27 am
  • 2/1/2012

    Hi I am Allie.

    I feel like pouring my heart out to night and despite of the late of time 1:11 AM, I am not at all sleepy. Well this is not unusual since I am like an owl well better yet, I like to think of myself as being a dark, mysterious, and sexy vampire. Just Jk on that matter.

    I have a lot of things going on right now and never in my life, I have been this busy. I run around like a maniac and if it's not for a class, then it's for my job and my organization. I just had an internship but I quit. I realized that I can't have an internship on top of everything else. Besides, school should be my first priority.

    Right now, I live at an on-campus apartment in the city. I take 3 classes in the city and one class at the main campus, which I have to take the damn bus. Oh how much I hate the bus system but I have no choice but to take it since there is no parking at that campus. Also I have one online class which I really love. The online class is management and I am going towards the direction of getting my master in management. I have a special interest in business and especially management. I don't know what master program I will get myself into, whether it's a health related master program or a business master program. I don't know yet and I need some time to think after finishing with my bachelor degree this summer.

    Besides busy with school and work, I just got elected to be the president of an organization. I have not officially accepted my position yet but I will soon. I don't know how it's going to be. Lately, I have been feeling very dissatisfied with working under people and not happy with the way people handle things. This is a good chance for me to prove to myself and to others and show them that I can be a better manager than them.

    I have been feeling discontent lately and had cried last night. I was on the point of quitting my job but someone talked me out of it. My question is am I in a sinking ship? Am I wasting my time? I really don't know. Lately, I poured out my honest feelings with other people especially my co-worker. Really, I can't stand him. I told him, "I am sick of you being so unprofessional and messed up the office all the time. I can't work with you if you keep that attitude." I don't want to pretend to like someone anymore. I really don't. That is the hardest feeling. I told him, "I want to like you really I do, but the way you work, makes it so hard for me to like you. You don't come in on time and dun keep ur promises." How am I suppose to work with someone like that? I told my boss and my boss asked me to work with him but I can't work with him unless he is more professional. I can't work with someone who is lazy as heck. I blocked him from my phone. I really don't know what to do. I already talked to him. I don't know.



    Được sửa lần cuối bởi lovely_allie vào ngày February 16th 2012, 7:08 am với 1 lần trong tổng số.
  • lovely_allie

    February 1st 2012, 5:20 pm
  • 2/1/12 at 6:02 PM

    I just got back home from a long day. I invited this girl from my projects group over and we had a nice talk. She annoyed me during the group meeting because she talked to much but I guess she is all right. Not bad. We exchanged numbers and will hang out more. Not bad. She was telling how she is still growing at the age of 22 so I am going to eat and sleep a lot from now on, hoping that I still grow. hihihi

    Now, I am so tired but can only rest on bed for a while before I drive to go to another campus for a meeting for my organization. I need to be there since I am like the main person in charge now. The ex-president of my organization still hasn't been officially impeached yet since he could not make it to the meeting that Dr. S (organization's advisor) set today. His excuse was, "I got to finish writing a paper." Yah right. I was so mad when I heard that. He is not competent enough to be a president of an organization and is unprofessional in every way. He can't be the president of a very prestige organization any longer and with him leading it, it will turn into a Titanic. I texted Dr.S and said that, "How can you let a person like that leading the organization even for a few more seconds? He just got to go and even if you guys don't allow me to be the president and let someone else, an exemplary person, then I will just be fine." I can't handle this dude and his commands. We live in a democracy world. What a douche!! Haizzz that made me mad. I don't know why people bug me so much now and no matter how hard I try to not let people get to me, I still can't do it.

    Now, I am super tired and my mind won't shut down. My heard is racing and I feel panicking. On top of that, have to work tonight and I just want a night where I can sleep peacefully. Haizzzz. I have to work tonight. BTW, I am not a go go dancer or a stripper. I got to be online and work with international people. Haizzz. I just want to feel relax for once and not think too much. I want my mind to shut down for a while and just sleep peacefully. Gotta go now. I won't be home until 9 at the very least or 10 pm.

  • lovely_allie

    February 2nd 2012, 6:18 am
  • 2/2/12 at 7:04 AM

    What is wrong with me? I can't sleep. I don't know if it's because of the green tea that I have been drinking at night. But since I automatically woke up super early, I am not going to lay restlessly in bed, instead, I will get online and do some school work. I am not working at all today because today and the rest of the week, I need to dedicate all my time for school and preparing for a new upcoming exams. It is about time after the starting of this semester.

    I feel a part of me changing. I have a voice now and not intimidated in front of a large audience. At meetings and conferences, I found myself naturally taking the lead and engaging in leadership roles. I was a shy girl and speaking in front of an audience or a class is not my favorite scene. But now, I don't mind. A lot of times whether I am in a class or at a meeting, I found myself talking a lot. I think sometimes I talked wayyyy too much and sometimes, I rather be an introvert person. I am too much of an extrovert and no matter how hard I pushed myself to be an introvert but I still can't shut up. Why can I be a quite girl sitting in a corner of a classroom or at a meeting? I just want to be unnoticeable sometimes. I need to stop blurring things out.

    Right now me and a roommate of mine, I considered her my best friend before, are not on speaking term. I don't know what is wrong with her but one day she is super nice to me and one day, she is cold to me. She had been nice in the past few weeks so I thought that she can finally keep her mind of being nice to me but then on Tues, for the first time of this semester, I left my apartment key at home. So at 2 pm, I went to the bookstore across my apartment to get a book for class and when I came back, no one was home and uh oh, I could not get in. So I text and asked her where she is. She said, "In class but will be home by 4 pm." That is not really long at all, I can wait until 4 pm at the lib doing my hw online (across from my apartment). She said, "Call the security guards." I said, "There is no need for the hassle and I can wait." So I did. I text her at 3:50 PM asking her if she is almost back but she didn't reply so I packed my stuffs to go back. I thought she didn't look at her phone on the way back. I got to the apartment and sitting in front of it to wait for her. I text her and called her for 20 mns and there was no reply back. How cruel of her. Then at 4:20 PM, another roommate of mine came back and she let me in. That girl didn't text me till 5 pm. I never replied back and when she came to knock on my door, I said, "I am doing hw." She left her key at home at all the times in the past and I was the one that let her in. How dare her doing something like that to me. I think she is so fake now. She always talked about doing the right things, etc. But look what she did to me. As of right now, I am not speaking to her and not planning to speak to her anytime soon. How can people do something like that? I don't get it.

    Schedule for the day, study and eat a lot.
    1. Having a class from 6-9 pm
    2. Study
    3. Not going out at all

  • lovely_allie

    February 4th 2012, 12:43 am
  • 2-4-2012 at 1:18 AM

    Current status: Studying and can't sleep anyway.

    Yesterday in my sociology class, my professor gave a lecture on race and ethnicity. You cannot classify people base on race because race is simply the difference of skin colors and rather classify people base on ethnicity. Different skin colors can share the same ethnicity (beliefs, attitudes, etc.). I think this lecture was quite interesting and it made me feel proud to be Asian because he said that, "Asian people have the highest median income comparing to others including Whites." Also the term minority was coined to make the Whites feel superior over other races that are not White. As you can see, people tend to use the term African Americans, Asian Americans, etc. The word "American" is always after the name of a race and the purpose behind is to gain the higher level of superiority. I don't understand why people are so racist and for me, I judge people based on their integrity and not the color that they genetically have.

    At the end of the class, my professor put people in groups to work on a project together. The class is full of Whites and there are only like 4 colored people in my class; one Asian me, 1 Mexican, and 2 Blacks. I have the most diverse group because the group contain me, the Mexican girl, and this one girl who looks exotic since she is mixed with Scottish and French. My professor said that the reason he put us girls into a group because we all share the same interest in the desire to know more about diversity. We got to pick a topic and do a research on it to put together a 5 pages of paper. The topic that I personally chose is the perception of love and marriage across cultures. Love is a subject that I can't quite grasp and I want to learn more about it. Also to look across the perception of love across different cultures is very interesting. When the class ended, I came up and talked to my professor and made comments about the lecture that he gave out today. I told him about me and where I am coming from. I was like, "Believe it or not, I was a shy girl." He said, "What really?" I told him the story of how my parents did not let me do anything until my junior year in college and how hard it was for me. I told him that I am open-minded unlike my family. He said, "You have the mutated gene." I said, "I believed that it is in the gene."

    I believe that external environment and your genetics shape you into the person that you are. You see, I was in a hostile environment where being social was not encouraged but I still turned out to be a social person. Growing up, I did not strive in the right environment to grow and yes, I was miserable. My parents held me back from so many things. I was shy and had very low-self esteem but I fought hard to strive from it. I fought hard to become the person that I believe I should be, on the other words, my genes contain written codes that map out my personality. No matter what environment people in, people tend to look for their favorable environment (desire because of the genes) so they can fully flourish. I think I have finally found my favorable environment and that started during last summer when I made a trip to Shanghai. Before I left for Shanghai, I was so miserable and felt so trap. I felt that I needed to go on a trip in order to grow (urges by the desire of my genes). I signed up despite of how my parents were against it. I did not care and I got to do it for myself. So I went and I let out all the trapped energy that contained within me for a long time. From that day on, I came back and I flourished. Then I moved to live in the city in a place that I like and decorated my room in the style that fits me best. I started to grow intellectually and feel that I am more me. This is who I am; a person with a voice.

  • CoBeLanhLungTuyetTinh

    February 5th 2012, 3:02 pm
  • can't sleep ha ... maybe you still not get use to it .... day time and night time there .... eventually you will get use to it ... good lucky with your school and ur goal .... hope you sucess in your princess life ....

  • lovely_allie

    February 5th 2012, 9:01 pm
  • Getting use to what? I have been living here for a long time. I cannot sleep because there are too many things going on right now and I have been too involved with my company. Everything is stressing me out. Whenever I get stress out, I cannot sleep. I came home this weekend and I have been sleeping like crazy so Im feeling a bit better now..

    Thanks for your wishes and I am not a princess. My life is not all "lalalala" and I have to worry about a lot of things.

  • lovely_allie

    February 5th 2012, 9:29 pm
  • 2-5-2012

    I did not sleep for 24 hours this weekend hoping to reset my internal sleep clock. I was really tired afterwards so I decided to go home on Saturday's afternoon. I drove and I felt so dizzy due to lack of sleep. I dressed up and put make-up on to make myself look well before going home because I dun want my parents to worry. When I got home, I ate so much and then went to sleep right away. I sleep from 6 pm - 10 pm and from 2 am - 1 pm (on Sunday's afternoon). My sleeps were deep and I reached the REM stage. Your sleep won't be fulfilled unless you reach the REM stage. I like to go home during the weekends so I can hang out with my family and eat good Vietnamese foods. Today, I spent time studying and took a stroll at the mall with my cousin. I bought myself a Canadian fashionable hat and I love it!!!!!! From now on, I don't want to be too stressed out about work anymore. I won't be too involved with it and only do things that my boss asks me to do, besides that, I won't give out any advice and it is up to him. I am still a student and school should be my first priority.

    A new and sexy way to wear a vest for women of today.
    Laugh of loud Laugh of loud Laugh of loud Laugh of loud Laugh of loud



    Được sửa lần cuối bởi lovely_allie vào ngày February 11th 2012, 2:10 pm với 2 lần trong tổng số.
  • lovely_allie

    February 5th 2012, 9:53 pm
  • Who said I would wear that out in public? Absolutely not!!!

    I was wearing my gym clothes to the mall so I just took off my sweater to put the vest on.

  • lovely_allie

    February 7th 2012, 1:32 pm
  • 2/7/12 @ 2:28 pm.

    I am trying to chill and not to get too caught up in things like how I have been in the past few days. I dun want to stress myself out for no reason and going to cut back with things. I want time to myself so I can do things that I enjoy doing and focusing on my education. My bff is going to buy tickets to presidents' ball which is going to be held sometime at the end of this month. LOL I am going to a ball with a girl (my bff) and the idea seems so funnie but oh well, it will be fun aniway. I dun want to ask a dude to go with me then she won't have anyone to go with so I am sticking with her.

    I am going to an anticipated meeting in an hour and there will be a leadership training. I dun know what is going to happen at this meeting. I have an accounting exam tonight and will work for the rest of the night.

  • lovely_allie

    February 11th 2012, 2:20 pm
  • 2-11-2011 @ 3:15 PM

    What is reality really? Everyone is shaped into the person that they are today by ideas that fed into them from the society, their parents, etc. I am questioning my beliefs and its originality. I really don't know and totally confuse. Beliefs are a part of you and it is something that it is so hard to change. Beliefs can be so strong that it can cause others their lives, for an example, what happened in 9/11. Sometimes, the beliefs are visibly wrong but to those that hold the beliefs, in their perceptions, that is the reality and the truth. I am fighting hard to get rid of all the beliefs that were fed into me and remain true to my origin.

  • lovely_allie

    February 16th 2012, 7:06 am
  • Today's quote

    "Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion." Dalai Lama

    I have been questioning what is real and what is not real because everything is constructed by the society. From now on, I will constantly remind myself to think outside of the box and think in a way that I feel I should think.

    I do like to think a lot and my favorite type of book is adventurous. If only there is a chance for me to live in a village or at an rural area where there is no electronically connection to the outside world. I will shut down my phone and laptop to emerge myself in the nature and find the true beauty of life. If only I have the opportunity to spend about 2 months helping others and live among less fortunate people, then I will find life more meaningful. This world is so superficial. I dun know about your world but the world that I live people, people care so much about their physical traits and popularity is measured by how much well-off you look. It's not within my interest to live in such a world.

    Right now, I want to focusing on finishing school first and get a head start with my career. After everything is well put in place then I will isolate myself from my current world and spend about a month or two in a small village without having any cell phone, etc. This is my desire. I hope I have the chance to do it soon. I want to have some times to think about myself and about life.

  • Lòng Trắc Ẩn

    February 16th 2012, 12:45 pm
  • lovely_allie wrote:Today's quote

    "Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion." Dalai Lama

    I have been questioning what is real and what is not real because everything is constructed by the society. From now on, I will constantly remind myself to think outside of the box and think in a way that I feel I should think.

    I do like to think a lot and my favorite type of book is adventurous. If only there is a chance for me to live in a village or at an rural area where there is no electronically connection to the outside world. I will shut down my phone and laptop to emerge myself in the nature and find the true beauty of life. If only I have the opportunity to spend about 2 months helping others and live among less fortunate people, then I will find life more meaningful. This world is so superficial. I dun know about your world but the world that I live people, people care so much about their physical traits and popularity is measured by how much well-off you look. It's not within my interest to live in such a world.

    Right now, I want to focusing on finishing school first and get a head start with my career. After everything is well put in place then I will isolate myself from my current world and spend about a month or two in a small village without having any cell phone, etc. This is my desire. I hope I have the chance to do it soon. I want to have some times to think about myself and about life.




    đâu ai bắt buộc phải làm như vậy .. bất cứ điều gì nhỏ nhặt nhất trong cuộc sống mình làm cho người khác mà họ thấy vui vẻ cũng đều đáng trân trọng cả .. đừng cố gắng làm những điều gì quá lý tưởng để rồi bạn chẳng làm gì được cả .. hoặc có thể điều đó chỉ là ép xác mà thôi .. hông ích lợi gì ..



    *** Gửi allie: ráng ăn đi cho mau lớn .. =))

  • lovely_allie

    February 16th 2012, 1:56 pm
  • Ai nói có người bắt đầu đâu. Muốn bắt đầu một cái gì đó thì phải sức phát từ ý tưởng và nếu muốn làm điều gì đó tuyệt vời thì phải có ý tưởng tuyệt vời. Ken you should definitely try to do something with your life. I am just saying.

    Gửi Ken: đọc nhiều sách vào để có những ý tưởng đẹp nhé ;)

  • Lòng Trắc Ẩn

    February 16th 2012, 2:20 pm
  • Người ta thường lý tưởng hóa sự việc thì những điều đó chỉ nằm trong đầu mà thôi .. :-D .. nghĩ những điều nho nhỏ như đánh răng hay ăn sáng là được rồi .. mơ mộng quá sẽ xa rời thực tế á Giggling

    "After everything is well put in place then I will isolate myself from my current world and spend about a month or two in a small village without having any cell phone, etc. This is my desire."

    Rất muốn chờ ngày này xảy ra Laugh crying (nghe có vẻ như khi trốn tránh sự ồn ào vậy!) :P

    *** Gửi allie: ... ... ... ... giống câu ở trên =))


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